I have gone through enough shitty people in my life to have a pretty damn good instinct for which people are generally bad and which are generally good. So when I meet somebody who is good, it does not take long for me to become comfortable around them.
I choose people. And maybe it’s terrible. But I observe and choose very specific people to trust and love on. And I give these people everything. When I love, I love with every piece of myself. I don’t know if it’s possible to stop me unless you do something absolutely terrible to me. And even then, even after my heart is smashed, I would destroy myself trying to get the person I trusted back.
I gave pieces of myself away to people and I became empty.
And regardless of the fact that I am still healing, I chose you. Or really you chose me because I was not expecting to trust and care about you so deeply. It just happened.
Occasionally, my anxiety will come back to me. It tells me that you hate me. That I’m annoying you. That I should stop trying. And then you ease those fears.
This feels different. And I’m really fucking terrified but even more excited to see where this could go.
Nothing recently. At least nothing that I didn’t expect. I’m not upset or anything I just don’t respect people who hurt their friends so intentionally.
Basically, when I care about and love somebody, I do it with everything I have. It doesn’t make sense to hurt the people I love and I never want to do that. I don’t always succeed but if I hurt somebody, I don’t do it intentionally.
78. The one person I can’t hide things from is Breanna. Even when I try to act like I’m not sad she reads me like an open book. I guess that’s what happens when you know somebody for 13 years :)
114: Here’s what I think about back stabbers: I have only ever distinctly disliked one person in my whole life. She is the only person who really stabbed me in the back. I think that it is really shallow to get so close to somebody just to hurt them intentionally. It’s heartbreaking really. If I trust you to be close to me, don’t turn it against me. That just sucks.
My crush’s name is Zach :)
He’s a phenomenal guy!
186: I have so many best friends. I have been blessed with a web of people that I can trust and who love me. I can’t even begin to name them all. They know who they are though :)
177: The last three songs I bought were Carousel by Melanie Martinez, Lalala by Sam Smith, and Tiny Glowing Screens by Watsky